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Charlotte Bobcats at New Orleans Hornets, special guest commentary


My Dad, since I moved in with them back in May, has tried to support my Bobcats habit.  I think it’s because Mom told him to.  “Honey, the only thing your Dad and I worried about with you moving up here was you missing out on your Bobcats.  Isn’t that right?”  To which my Dad would pop up with something summing up his thoughts on basketball, which are that it’s “mutants” trying to throw a ball through a hoop.  “Mutants, Dad?”  “They must be, seriously who grows naturally to over 7 feet!?”

So, with the Bobcats facing the Hornets tonight and only being able to watch the game on one of two TVs, my mother’s recorded soaps on the other, Dad and I sit down to watch the game.  Without further ado:  Shit My Dad Says version of Bobcats vs Hornets

I hate that damn Sprite commercial (the one with Drake, I’m not even sure)...it’s not even music.  If it were music we’d still hate it because it doesn't even rhyme!

(Steve Martin explaining the Stephen Jackson suspension)That’s just ridiculous, they won’t let him play for something he said to the ref.  Not getting off the court in time?  Come on!

Might abandon this early, Dad is snoring at the 11 minute mark of the first, that’s right.  One minute into the game.

Ok, so...Shit BigCat says:
Nazr needs to quit shooting, if they’ll leave West on him all night and he can’t score on the low block...hello Tyrus.

I totally forget about Mek, used to be the key to the franchise but now....

And we’re back, with Pops!  “There’s no one there,  you notice that?  Oh!  This is the Hornets!”

(Me)Early lead on a DJ runner/floater, followed by West protesting more than I like, Followed by GW for 3 followed by strip of Okafor, followed by DJ receiving the break....Gerald hot early...

“I thought it was pink”  No, Dad, that’s breast cancer.  “Oh, Red, AIDS!”

(Dad)You know, I think every time I put the end on a cable, we should walk around and (some hand motion, I think he means five) each other.  Yeah, Dad, but people don’t pay to watch us put up security cameras.  “they could, I would let em”

(Tyrus at the line) You know, especially with that headband on, he reminds me, remember that Cosby character that talked like “dodododdleydo”

(Me)Darrick Brown gets put on his ass by Ariza and NO CALL...screw the refs...prison rules

(Dad)Bobcats should draft your niece, she can teach them how to cry and fall down.  You know she gets real tears going and everything!

(Me)Okafor climbs up Diaw’s back and....you guessed it, no call, ball out on Diaw.

Yeah, no game breakdown out of BigCat...even, even game. I’m talking score, rebounds, fg, all but 3s and FTs.

Dad:  “it’s a shame when the players can’t even scrunch their face, look disappointed, anything without being censored for it.  say someones mother is a ho-bag, that’s something different”

(Me)Smart but under-rated play by DJ.  Shot clock violation airball by Dom, but DJ bats the ball out of bounds because it was about to fall to CP3 who would have started the break, make em think.

(Me)Wow, crazy breakdown on the Hornets “renaissance”  10 players changed from last year, I guess they mean including the Toronto trade?

Bellinelli at the line practicing his form Dad:  “Yeah, that’s how it goes you dumb mfer.  Gotta have the ball first, now miss it you sorry sum bitch”

Leading scorer at the half:  Some dude named Okafor?

First half thoughts:  While Jackson might be seen to “ruin” the offense, at least he has some.  I think this game will put the Bobcats defense back on track, I just do.  A 15 point quarter?  yeah, they still know how to play defense.  Dominick Mcguire, not what we all thought after his Milwaukee game, 5 rebounds and 3 of those were those “ball fell to him” rebounds.

Late start to the 2nd half, old time on the sideline spilled his beer.

DJ trying, trying his hardest early in the third, just can’t convert on these out of control under the basket shots, then he gets called for an offensive foul.  Hope that doesn't deter him from driving because he’s super quick.

Gerald drives attempts to double clutch dunk over Okafor but gets fouled...I would have loved to see him yam one on Chumba Wumba.

Jason somebody for New Orleans ran full on into Kwame Brown, that kid is solid!

Kwame with an elbow jumper?  BIG Lineup right now, TT, Kwame, Diaw, Liv, DMcG

Dad  “They keep getting their own rebound (new orleans) Bobcats NEVER do that”  5 mins later, “put that in your wrap-up thing, Bobcats NEVER get their own rebound.”

5-6 mins to go and you see how this team misses jack.  Sloppy sloppy and no one to take shots, only good thing has to be Gerald Wallace driving and getting fouled.

CP3 with an “interrupted dribble” or carry as it is and argues with the ref, gets a little huffy and looks at him like he’ll punch him but alas...no tech.

Someone just told me, a full 5 minutes without scoring for the Bobcats.  Is DJ just not willing?  What’s the deal?  Sluggish with the flu?

Does no one on this team have a quick release?  DJ has to dribble which causes a shot clock violation rather than a made 3.

Lots of dribbling off the foot, getting in no-mans land and picking up the dribble.  Weak ball movement, and player spacing and movement...down by 13 with a minute?  Yet another missed basket and you can call that a ball game on wille green’s 3 with 36 to go.

(Dad)“Lost another one but at least I can go to bed if your mother will turn the volume down on the tv up there damnit”




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