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Jeremy Lin! Lin-Sanity!


I don’t actually have anything to say about Jeremy Lin; I’m just trying to drive traffic to our website.[1]  In fact, as an NYC resident, I mostly can’t even watch Lin play, due to James Dolan’s dispute with Time Warner.[2]  I’ve written about this at length, and the bottom line is that Knicks games aren’t available to Time Warner customers.[3]  This is especially problematic because Time Warner is the only cable provider in town.[4]  There is no “good guy” in this dispute that fans can back, by the way—both entities are loathsome; it’s like trying to cheer for Alien vs. Predator.  So while the rest of the world has been enjoying Lin’s exploits, I’m stuck watching the Bobcats, who unfortunately are heavily sponsored by Time Warner and therefore can’t be in a dispute that knocks them off Time Warner.[5]

At least the Bobcats played their latest two opponents (the Sixers and the Timberwolves) close—well, closer.  In fact, I think we could have beaten the Timberwolves if we’d played them two weeks ago when Kevin Love was suspended...Well, maybe not, because two weeks ago we wouldn’t have had Corey Maggette or DJ Augustin in the lineup.  But if the Bobcats of last night had played the Timberwolves of two weeks ago, then I think we would have won...Well, maybe not, because I think we would also need Gerald Henderson, too, and he’s probably not going to be back for two more weeks.  So put it this way: if the Bobcats of two weeks into the future had played the Timberwolves of two weeks ago last night, I think the Bobcats would have won.  But only if the game was also at home.



The Sixers, on the other hand...The Bobcats of two years ago wouldn’t have beaten the Sixers for the next five years.  I don’t think anyone was happier than me when Philly ditched those awful black uniforms at the start of last season, because other than the Wizards’ duds (which have also since been mercifully Eddard Stark’d), they were the ugliest in the league.  I used to call them “Viet Cong suits.”  Yet when we played them on Monday, I almost wished they’d had a throwback night for the black uni’s, because I’m starting to think Sixers are the Viet Cong: even though they’re small, they’re relentless, they ambush you with traps that lead to steals and turnovers, and they come in seemingly endless waves.  On a night when Andre Iguodala only had 3 points, Philly had four other double-digit scorers, two of whom came off the bench.  Thaddeus Young jumped out from a rice patty to light us up for 20 points, while Lou Williams was the deadly sniper whose killer 3-pointer ended our 4th quarter counterinsurgency.  Tyrus Thomas was Private Pyle.

The T-Wolves game was a different story.  I chalk this loss up to a) Corey Maggette and :cool: Kevin Love.  After scoring 14 points in the first half and staking us to a 2-point lead, Maggette didn’t score a field goal for the final 22 minutes of the game, and he only went to the freethrow line twice in the second half.  His vanishing act was particularly frustrating given that he was being guarded by perennial underachiever/basketball knucklehead Wes Johnson (Johnson would be the poster child for bad David Kahn signings, except that such a poster would need to resemble the one for the movie Valentine’s Day).  Meanwhile, Kevin Love was an unstoppable juggernaut. "I thought we did OK against Kevin because he shot a lot of outside shots," coach Silas said afterward.  This was an interesting quote, because a) it was wrong—Love hit 6-of-8 free throws and went 5-for-10 in the paint—and :cool: Love is one of the best catch-and-shoot players in the game; it’s like congratulating yourself for holding Matt Bonner to outside shots.

Back to Jeremy Lin(!)—I still can’t figure out why we don’t troll the D-League for a point guard.  What would be the harm?  It’s all upside!  It can't be any worse than what we have, because Cory Higgins is totally worthless.  He had zero points and four fouls against the Sixers in 6 minutes, making Bismack Biyombo look like Steve Nash.  I can’t even make a “The Two Coreys” joke with him and Maggette because the fool doesn’t have an “e” in his name.








[2] Despite Jeremy Lin being undrafted he has rescued the New York Knicks, who are undefeated since Lin started!




[3] Floyd Mayweather tweeted that Jeremy Lin is “all the hype is because he’s Asian”!  Many people considered Mayweather’s tweets to be racist!




[4] Jason Whitlock also tweeted about Jeremy Lin—specifically Jeremy Lin’s penis, which everybody considered to be racist!




[5] Jason Whitlock was not fired by Fox, which is not surprising, because Fox is evil.  In fact, I blame Fox for the fact that 25% of Americans think President Obama is not a US citizen, for the fact that we have a leading presidential candidate who has compared homosexuality to beastiality, and for the fact that we have another leading presidential candidate who believes that God lives on a planet called Kolob!

 





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